Chapter Four

The next morning, she was dressed and ready when Justin arrived. He strolled in, sporting his hat and glasses again. "Morning," he said, cheerfully, "Sorry I didn’t get here earlier. I overslept a little."

"Morning. It’s fine. Did you sleep well?"

"Oh yeah. You?"

"Like a rock. Everything go OK at the hotel?"

"Yeah, it was fine. I got a couple of curious looks this morning, but no one stopped me or took a picture, so it was cool."

The nurse came in and had Natalie sign some final paperwork. She also gave her yet another round of pamphlets. Then she pulled up a wheelchair, and Natalie rolled her eyes.

"I know, I know," said the nurse, "But it’s procedure."

Natalie handed the infant seat and her bag to Justin. "Here. Why don’t you go put these in the car and then bring it around to the doors?"

Justin balked, saying, "I wanted to walk out with you."

"Justin, you can’t. if one person sees you pushing me and Ben, it’s over. That picture would be all over the world in a matter of hours."

He made a disgusted noise under his breath. "I hate this. All right, I’ll meet you downstairs."

Natalie sat in the wheelchair, and the nurse pushed her to the nursery, where Ben was placed in her arms once again. Then mother and baby were rolled down to the doors, where Justin was waiting with his rented Explorer. Between them, they managed to get Ben strapped into his seat. Natalie thanked the nurse one last time, and they were off. Justin drove according to her directions, and Ben slept all the way home.

He was still asleep when they got there, so Natalie put him in his crib and took Justin on the brief tour of her cozy little house. After that, they weren’t quite sure what to do with themselves. "I guess we just wait for him to wake up," Natalie laughed. "You want some lunch?"

"Sure," Justin said, "I can always eat."

So they sat down and managed to finish their whole meal before a howl went up from Ben. They worked in tandem, changing him, feeding him, changing him again and then taking turns holding him until he fell back asleep.

"Whew. That was exciting," Justin joked.

"I think it gets more interesting when they start walking," Natalie laughed.

Justin turned serious. "Actually, I could just sit and stare at him all day and I’d be happy."

"Me, too," Natalie sighed. "You wanna watch a movie?" So they did, and the rest of the day flew by.

Eventually, Justin said, "Well, I should probably get going."

"OK. Be careful. See you tomorrow?"

He kissed her on the cheek. "Count on it."

Natalie got very little sleep that night, as she apparently had a nocturnal creature for a child. She definitely would not be letting him sleep so much tomorrow. When Justin arrived in the morning, his face fell when he saw her. "What’s wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Nothing’s wrong. I just hardly got any sleep. I think he’s a vampire."

Justin burst out laughing and she couldn’t help but smile, too. "Come on," he said, gently pushing her up the stairs. "You’re going back to bed."

"But…"

"But nothing. I can take care of him for a few hours. You have got to get some sleep."

Natalie obliged, and she slept for quite a while. In all the excitement over Ben, she kept forgetting how much of an ordeal her own body had been through.

When she woke up and went downstairs, it was her turn to laugh. Justin and Ben were on the floor of the living room, surrounded by baby clothes. When Justin saw her, he turned pink and said, "Aw hell. I wanted to clean this up before you came down."

"What happened?" she said, still laughing.

"Well, first I spilled formula on him. Then after I actually got some in him, he threw it back up. Then we had a diaper-changing incident. Then the blue outfit I put on him pissed him off for some reason and he wouldn’t stop crying. I can’t believe he didn’t wake you up. So I took off the blue one and put on the green one, and now look at him."

Ben was lying contentedly in his infant seat, kicking his feet and gurgling.

"He looks fine to me," Natalie said.

"Yeah, he does. But I’m a wreck."

She stifled her laugh this time and came around behind him to give him a hug. He leaned back against her and relaxed. "You did fine," she said, "Look how happy he is now."

"Yeah," he said, "I just wish that hadn’t happened on the first time I was alone with him."

She giggled. "Well, at least you got it out of the way. I still have the threat of my first disaster hanging over my head."

"Whatever," he said, swatting at her with a pillow. She started picking up clothes as Ben’s eyes tracked her movements. "No, no, no, I’ll get it," Justin protested.

"I think you need a break," she said, "I’m just going to throw these in the wash real quick. So he doesn’t like the blue one, huh?"

"Apparently not. It’s either that or he just doesn’t like me."

"I’m sure that’s not it," she replied.

That day was a bit more eventful than the first, including visits from Kara and two of Natalie's friends from work. This all kept Ben up more, but he still didn’t want to go to bed that night. Justin finally said, "Why don’t you go to sleep and I’ll stay until he goes to bed?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Go on. Go to bed."

"OK," she said, doubtfully. "Good night."

When she woke up, the sun was shining brightly, which alarmed her. She was afraid she had slept right through Ben’s cries. Racing into his room, she almost tripped over Justin, who was asleep on the floor next to Ben’s crib. Ben himself was snoring peacefully. Justin’s head rested on a stuffed animal of some sort, and he was out cold. It was becoming apparent to her that he could sleep anywhere. Natalie tiptoed back out of the room and grabbed her camera. After snapping several shots of the two of them, she put it away and came back to wake Justin up.

Gently, she shook his shoulder until his eyes fluttered open. "Mmmm?" was all he said.

"Justin, why don’t you get off this floor and go sleep in my bed for a while? Come on," she urged him. It took a few minutes, but she finally managed to get him down the hall to her bedroom. He was asleep again before he was even completely horizontal. She covered him and went back for Ben, who was now stirring.

She fed Ben, then ate her own breakfast as he watched delightedly. With the exception of not sleeping too well and that little incident with Justin yesterday, Ben really seemed to be a happy baby. She hoped he stayed that way. When she finished eating, she started thinking maybe it was time for Ben’s first bath. Well, his first one at home, anyway.

Just then, Justin appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. He was completely disheveled, still wearing yesterday’s clothes with rumpled hair to match. He also looked a bit grumpy.

"Morning," she said.

"Morning," he answered in a low rumble.

"I was just thinking about giving Ben a bath."

"Can you wait a few minutes for me? I’m much nicer after breakfast, and then I can help you."

She chuckled, "Sure, I can do that."

"You got any cereal?"

"Cabinet above the sink."

She let him rummage around and put his breakfast together while she gathered all the baby bath stuff. When Justin was done eating, he stood up and rubbed his hands together and said, "OK. Much better. Let’s wash the little vampire."

"Did he let you sleep at all?" she asked.

"Never for more than an hour at a time. And that only happened twice. I slept next to him so I could keep him from waking you up."

"You didn’t have to do that, you know. We could have at least taken turns."

"It’s OK. I didn’t mind." He scooped Ben up out of his seat and headed toward the sink. "Besides, I’m about to get my revenge now. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!" The baby just blinked at him. "He’ll be a lot more fun when he gets my sense of humor," Justin grumbled.

"I think that’ll be a little while yet. Or, in your case, maybe a long while."

"Hey!" Justin pretended to take offense.

"I’m just teasing," she said, punching him lightly on the arm. "I love your sense of humor."

"Yeah, you once said that about my voice, too. Then you changed your tune."

"I was in labor! Normal rules do not apply. You’re never going to let me live that down are you?"

"Nope."

Natalie sighed and took the baby from him. Together, they bathed him. Ben fussed a little at first, his lower lip quivering. But he adjusted to the water and actually seemed to enjoy it. His parents certainly enjoyed the job as they worked side by side. "Hey Justin," Natalie ventured.

"Yeah?"

"Why don’t you just get your stuff and stay here? The couch in the office folds out, and I hate the idea of you going in and out at the Rio. You’re a lot safer here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am."

"OK, then. I’d like that. I’ll go get my stuff later."

"OK."

"Nat… Why is so much of his hair falling out? Am I doing something wrong?"

"No. That’s normal. Lots of babies lose the hair they’re born with."

"Oh, OK. Just as long as it doesn’t grow back curly."

She had to laugh. "Oh come on… I love your curls."

"You wouldn’t love ‘em if you had to live with them. Or if you have to deal with his for the first ten years of his life."

"I know, I know. But they’re so cute. And they set you apart. He could certainly do worse than to grow up looking like his daddy. If nothing else, I sure hope he has your smile."

Justin ducked his head a little, and she could see his ears turning pink. "Well, I’m just glad he has your eyes."

"You think so?" she said, peering down at Ben. His eyes were big and mostly round, like hers, and they were slowly becoming a similar shade of chocolate brown.

"I think your eyes are beautiful, and I think his are gonna look just like ‘em."

It was her turn to blush. Swatting Justin with the towel, she lifted Ben from his little tub and wrapped him up in terrycloth. She sent Justin upstairs for a diaper, which she had somehow forgotten to bring down. While she waited for him, she gazed at Ben and thought about how perfectly domestic this all was. These last few days had been straight out of a Cleaver-esque dream world, with the two of them acting like they’d been married for years. It was pleasant and warm, and she could feel it lulling her into a false sense of security.

Justin returned with the diaper and said, "Don’t let me forget to watch MTV tonight. The guys are on."

"Are you supposed to be there?" she asked, alarmed.

"Well, originally, yeah, but this is way more important. I just want to see how they do."

"What’s the occasion?"

"Lance’s company’s new thriller is premiering tonight and MTV’s throwing a costume party."

"Costumes?"

Justin looked at her like she had two heads. "Nat, it’s Halloween."

"Oh… right. I just forgot – Ah, shit," she said, then looked at Ben and quickly covered her mouth, making Justin laugh.

"I don’t think he quite understands you yet. What’s the matter with Halloween?"

"Nothing. I just don’t have any candy to hand out is all."

"There’s a market up the street, right?" She nodded. "When I go over to get my stuff, I’ll stop by and pick up a few bags of candy."

"Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea," she said sarcastically, "What if someone sees you?"

"You know, I do sometimes go out in public."

"Usually with two scary, 300-pound men." He made a face at her. "OK, tough guy, what are you going to say if someone asks you what you’re doing there?"

"I’ll tell them that I’m loading up on chocolate to take back to my love nest, where all my friends are waiting for me so the homosexual orgy can begin. That oughtta distract ‘em from the real scandal for a while, don’t you think?" He was joking, but there was an edge to his voice.

"Oh my God," Natalie said, rolling her eyes, "You are terrible."

"Yeah, well… It’s a defense mechanism, I guess." He picked up Ben’s dirty things and walked out of the kitchen without looking back at her. She sighed and hugged Ben a little closer to her. The subject of Justin's celebrity was such a touchy one between the two of them. He liked to pretend it was a non-issue, but she knew better. And the day was fast approaching when he would have to come to terms with how to have it co-exist with Ben in his life.

She passed through the living room on her way to put Ben down for a nap. Justin was pulling on his sneakers and cap. As she headed up the stairs, she heard the front door close. It wasn’t like him to walk out without saying anything, so she figured he was pretty upset. Settling Ben into his crib and winding up his mobile, she headed for the shower.

It was several hours before Justin returned, and she grew a little worried. Finally she heard his car pull up in her driveway, and she quickly met him at the door. He had a suitcase in one hand and a bag of groceries in the other. "Hey," she said, taking the groceries from him, "I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back."

He stopped as he put down his suitcase. Looking her right in the eye, he said quietly, "I wouldn’t do that." Then he walked back out the door. Natalie set the brown bag on the counter and followed him out to the Explorer. She was taken aback when she discovered the trunk was full of bags.

"No wonder you were gone so long. Did you leave anything in the store?"

Justin chuckled. "Well, I also went for a little ride. But then when I got to the store, I figured I might as well stock up."

Natalie shook her head and grabbed a couple of bags. She was amused to find one whole bag filled with cereal boxes. The rest contained basics, as well as quite a bit of baby stuff. When she pulled a large package of diapers from the trunk, she started to wonder. It was almost as if Justin wanted the world to find out about Ben by "accident" and that worried her.

Finally they got everything unloaded and put away. She set out a big bowl of candy for the trick-or-treaters and then they both sat down on the couch. "Look, Nat," he began, "I’m sorry I got so pissy with you earlier."

"Don’t worry about it," she said, dismissively.

"It’s just… Being famous has so many perks, but sometimes it just sucks. And right now, I’d give anything to just be Joe Blow, so I could take my son to the park, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"It just sucks. But I didn’t mean to take it out on you. So I’m sorry."

"Apology accepted," she said, smiling at him. He smiled back, but it was a sad smile, certainly not what he was capable of. They watched "SportsCenter" in silence for a few minutes, until Ben started crying.

Justin immediately jumped up. "I’ll get him," he said, heading for the stairs. She didn’t answer him, but she followed him with her eyes.

They spent the rest of the day very quietly. Natalie wrote out birth announcements while Justin took some digital pictures of Ben to send to his family. Little was said between the two of them, and it felt as if a cloud hung over the house. There was a small measure of comic relief when the Halloween revelers started trickling by. But even that turned sour when Natalie refused to let Justin hand out candy.

"Why not?" he demanded.

"Are you dense? Every one of those kids would probably know you."

"Oh, so what?"

"So what? So, I don’t want photographers on my lawn in the morning, that’s what."

"Fine," he said, "Then I’m going to go make some dinner." Pouting, he stalked into the kitchen. By the time he had cooked up a surprisingly tasty meal of chicken and pasta, he was himself again. They ate comfortably together, and he blushed when she complimented his culinary ability.

After dinner, they settled in on the couch with Ben to watch Lance’s MTV thing. Justin’s four best friends were in fine form, and Dave Holmes kept the wisecracks coming. Justin and Natalie were frequently in stitches, which seemed to arouse Ben’s curiosity. Inevitably, however, Dave asked the guys where Justin was. Natalie held her breath, but JC answered without missing a beat. "He’s at home watching us. He wasn’t feeling well."

Chris chimed in, waving at the camera, "Hi Curly!"

That was good enough for Dave, who changed the subject. Justin, however, let out a disgusted growl. "Not feeling well, my ass."

"What did you want them to say, Justin?" she asked, rhetorically.

"How about, ‘Justin’s at home, holding his beautiful baby boy’? Fuck that," he snarled. Passing Ben to her, he said, "I’m going to bed."

She was nearly speechless at his little outburst. She managed to stammer, "Do you want me to help you make up the bed?"

"Sheets are in the hall closet, right?"

"Right."

"Naw, I’ll get it. Good night," he said, storming up the stairs.

"Good night," she called after him. Cradling Ben, she fought off tears. She had the distinct feeling this was going to get worse before it got better.

The next two days passed uneventfully, in what Natalie assumed was the calm before the storm. Her parents were due in today, and she took Ben with her to the airport. It felt good to get out of the house, which she hadn’t done much this past week. She was apprehensive about her parents meeting Justin, though, both because the situation was so complicated and because she never knew what would come out of her mother’s mouth. But she had warned Justin accordingly, and so she just kept her fingers crossed.

When her parents came off the plane, they rushed over to her and began fussing over Ben. He was not their first grandchild, so they were well-schooled in the art of spoiling. Natalie had to admit it was good to see them. They were their usual selves, with her mother chattering and her father only weighing in once in a while when he thought it was important. She knew they’d adore Ben; as they neared her home was when she began to get nervous.

But Justin really turned on the charm, and her parents fell for it. It was all she could do not to laugh. He certainly had plenty of practice, and the Southern accent helped, too. Predictably, neither of her parents recognized him, and Natalie and Justin left it alone. In fact no one even questioned the obviously odd arrangement in place in her home, where Justin was staying in a different bedroom. Natalie was amazed at her mother’s good behavior. On the third day, her mother pulled her aside and lowered her voice. "He’s really very cute. Where’d you find him?"

Uh oh, Natalie thought, here we go. And even though her mother obviously thought she was being discreet, Justin heard her. He threw Natalie a smirk over his shoulder, and she rolled her eyes. "I met him downtown, Mom," she finally answered.

"He’s a bit younger than you, too, isn’t he?"

"Yes, he is."

"How much younger?"

"Mom…"

"I’m just curious."

"About six years."

"Well, that’s not such a big gap. That’s pretty impressive."

"What is?"

"That you bagged a young studmuffin like that."

"Mom!" she protested, and she saw Justin convulsing with silent laughter.

"What? He’s handsome. I bet Ben will look just like him."

With that, she walked away, leaving Natalie blushing, but also laughing. Justin finally turned around, amusement dancing in his eyes. "I told you," Natalie said, shaking her head.

But that was the last thing her mother said that embarrassed her. Her parents spent most of their time playing with Ben, shopping for Ben, or gambling down on the Strip. They owned their own business in Seattle, so they could only stay for a few days, anyway. After Natalie dropped them off at the airport, she reflected on what had been a very pleasant visit. She was almost sorry to see them go. Almost.

Her parents’ flight had been a later one, and she was tired when she arrived home. Opening her front door, she found Justin asleep on the couch, with Ben sound asleep on his broad chest. Quietly, she closed the door behind her, not wanting to disturb them. Taking off her jacket and setting her purse on the table, she sat down across from them and just watched them sleep for a few minutes. Justin would be leaving on the day after tomorrow, and it was a moment she was dreading. She would miss him, and on some level, she was sure Ben would, too. But it was Justin she worried most about. He was very attached to this idea of fatherhood, and he doted on Ben. Natalie couldn’t imagine being separated from Ben herself, and she knew how painful it was going to be for Justin. She just hoped he could get through it okay.

She stood up and gently touched Justin’s shoulder. His eyes opened slowly and she said, "Hey. How about I put the little guy to bed?"

He smiled and yawned, "I think you better put the big guy to bed, too."

She chuckled and lifted Ben to her shoulder. He never even stopped snoring as she carried him upstairs and laid him in his crib. The nights were getting chillier now, and as she kissed him goodnight, she tucked his blanket around his little form. She turned to go and found Justin behind her. He was leaning against the inside of the door frame, an infinitely sad expression on his face. She crossed the room to him, stopping just short of the door.

Without saying a word, he reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace. It was the first time they’d been this physically close since they’d left the hospital. Putting his head down on her shoulder, he whispered, "I don’t want to leave."

"I know," she whispered back, caressing the back of his neck, "I know."

They remained that way for what seemed like forever before Justin finally pulled away from her. "I’m going to bed," he said quietly. Bending down to kiss her forehead, he added, "Good night."

"Good night, Justin," she said, sadly. They retreated to their respective ends of the hallway, but neither of them slept well that night.

The next two days flew by in a blur, and suddenly it was time for Justin to go. He had to catch a plane to New York, where a fresh round of publicity appearances would begin. The new album was coming out in just two weeks. Justin’s presence during this promotional blitz was not up for discussion; even he knew that. But it was obviously breaking his heart to leave Ben behind.

He had packed his things and was sitting on the couch giving Ben a bottle. Natalie tried to stay busy in the kitchen, to give him some time alone with his son. She could hear him singing softly, as he’d often done during these two magical weeks. Despite their running joke about her telling him not to sing, she knew she would miss his quiet crooning. Finally, the music stopped, and she heard a creak as he made his way up the stairs.

When he came back down, Justin wouldn’t even meet her eyes. He silently slipped into his jacket, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Well, I guess I’d better go," he mumbled.

Walking over to him at the door, she replied, "Justin, you can’t beat yourself up like this."

"I just hate to leave him, Nat. I feel like I’m going to miss everything."

"I know that. And I wish you didn’t have to. But… It’s not like you’re going on a vacation. Travel is a huge part of what you do. And you know if you didn’t have music, you’d go crazy. Don’t feel so guilty about this."

He finally lifted his eyes to hers, and she could see they were filling up. "I can’t help it," he said miserably.

Her heart ached for him, and she drew him into her arms. He was trembling but he held off the tears. They rocked back and forth together, clinging to these last moments. At last, he pulled away from her slightly, locking his gaze on hers. "I’m really going to miss you, too. You know that, right?"

"And I’ll miss you. But I’m really glad you were able to share this time with me. It’s been wonderful."

"Yes, it has," he whispered, and his emotions threatened to overtake him. Clearing his throat, he stepped back. "I should go check on him one last – "

Natalie stopped him. "Justin, you have to go. You’re going to miss your flight."

Reluctantly, he turned back toward her. "Yeah, I know," he said. Picking up his bag, he added, "I’ll call you every day, OK? Probably twenty times a day."

"OK."

"And send me pictures, OK?"

"OK."

"A’ight. I’m outta here. Take care, Nat," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"You, too," she replied. And then he gathered his other things and headed out the door. Her heart was heavy as she watched him pile everything into the Explorer and pull out of her driveway. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and she silently prayed he would be all right.

Chapter Five

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